My Blog

26/08/06 - 1627hrs

I don’t know why i’m feeling shitty these few days… Seems that my mind is somewhere else wondering about.. Yesterday i was required to carry out reps of 15 and end up doing up to 18 and even 20…. Today, the whole revision thingy is not going on as planned.. Reading a few sentences and i end up thinking abt "stuffs". .It seems that my mind is everywhere… I was never like this when i was in Poly then… The more i read, the more the knowledge just leaves my brain like its being washed away… Gosh… The feeling is just not good man…

Quizzes are just in a week or two away only… i tried walking around the house and reading up the chapters to get the momentum back in place.. But all doesn’t seems to work… Worst still, the tutorials are something that i have come across, but everything seems so difficult…  It’s weird… nonetheless…

Actually that certain something has been going on in my head for a while now.. I dont know whether its really keeping me restless all the time.. But i just don’t know how i should phrase it out… Everytime i hear about it, i’ll just get totally uncomfortable… Something that i shouldn’t be reacting for… I tried telling myself to keep cool and all… But the worst it gets..

It was on Tues, 22/08/06… I was in the lib and suddenly to hear abt it… I was just away from where i was… Even attending lectures was useless… I had my mind somewhere else… Wat can i Do??

I have been trying to say it out.. But… To think abt how it would end up… of the worst possible situation, just makes me edgy… I wish that i can just put eveything to sleep and leave the thoughts there.. I think this time i’m totally out of place for everything.. man….

I guez time will tell… I am hoping that eveything will just slowly leave me and set me free for the better… Its not something that i wanna do… But i think it has to end somewhere… hmmm….

I hope for the best….

17/08/06 - 2135hrs

It happened again… But this time the dark serenity of dusk cause a shimmer upon the look of her face… Compared to the morning look that innocently protrays a mellow and discreet smile.. I was talking attentively to my beloved sister and every picture around me was blurred for a moment… The buses just swift past us letting the time past…

Only, when we board bus 963… I caught a glimpse of that same person i see on most morning…. Time freezes for a moment and i was trying to tip toe and get my vision to see the whole of her… My sister was looking at me thinking what i was looking at… I told her…….. Look… She was blurred by my actions for a moment… Then she took in what i was saying…

I was distanced by that mere 2-3metres from her… I look attentively while she was looking through the clear tampered glass screen… It was 5secs.. No no… It was more than 10sec of raging thoughts running through….  I guess she noticed the waves of eyes looking at her.. She rolled her eyes over to me… I looked away over her shoulder pretending there was a big advertisement that caught my attention… What a pretentious act.. HAHA…

My sis knew and saw… She smiles…. Bukit Panjang Plaza was just a few stops away from my home… My sis and me got down from the bus.. The journey never felt so fast compared to the time whereby i was all alone waiting to reach bus stop of my home… It was antagonizing… But not now…

But it seems to fade as i speak now… Why??? I can’t think of any other reason for this to happen… It’s such an irony for i’m made for such things to happen… I don’t know… Maybe through the night, it will just be another memory that past as a vision of an everyday life….

09/08/06 - 2101hrs

It took me awhile to consume the adjustment for leaving my brain left swarming with spider webs to clearing the stale airs for a new beginning… 07/08/2006, a day to remember for a start of pure indulgence and attention to my academic matters. How can it be?

I saw the rush of others making their way to the lecture halls and labs for the scheduled and planned timetables which we had to follow.. I was lost for a while looking at the rigid structures that stands above me. Compared to the relaxed and laid back environment i saw at NIE… It looked so excessively routined that struck me.. oh no… i’ll be like this for the next three years.. As mentioned by most, that engineers are rigid?? is it true?? i would put on a grim smile whenever that image was portrayed upon the masses..

I liked the whole idea of going back to school though. Meet new people and friends from all walks of life… I was too absorbed by the words that spills out indicating wisdoms for a new knowledge for me… The issues were nothing new to me.. but it was a higher level of learning… Worried that i couldn’t catch up i suppose… for whole of my life, this was the first time i am worried about my studies… i was puzzled by myself with the whole new ME… it’s not that i was never worried when i was in SP.. but i fell jumpy… now…. compared to last time.

With all that worries hanging over me, i forgot to appreciate one thing… The gift of god… hahah!!! the VENUSes that makes your day a little brighter… hahah!! Maybe i was just too focused on my work.. i don’t know… i guess so… But i’m always reminded to perform better because i have to thank a person… Who would be there to remind me to stay away from the virus… haha!!!! Thank you there…

But in all,  i never felt better to be in a whole new environment for the start… well, see how it goes.. And to strive for the best… YeaH….